10 Reasons Women are supposed to be Giants

1. The band “They Might be Giants”

Who is the ‘They’ in the title of this band? This is an all-male band. ‘They’ suggests an outsider, an other, and who is an other to men? Women, that’s who! Has this Brooklyn based indie / experimental / children’s band been on to this the whole time?

2. Kimya Dawson’s “I Like Giants”

I’m sure Kimya Dawson was talking about how women and girls are made to feel fat in this world, but maybe, just maybe, she was tapping into an ancient secret of women’s true gigantic nature. She especially likes girl giants too. *squinty eyes of suspicion*

3. The Attack of the 50-foot woman

This 1958 sci-fi film seems like an enquiry into women’s power. The main character Nancy is emotionally unstable, but wouldn’t you be too, if you had been bred into miniature size when your true nature is gigantic? Nancy’s husband is also using her for her money, cheating on her, and at one point, plotting to murder her. However her giant size saves her. See how being a giant would save women’s lives? Does that mean the inverse is true as well?

4. Norse Mythology

Norse mythology is ripe with giant women being heckled and harassed by the Gods of the cold north. It seems to me these are the origin tales. This was the start of it and we actually were Giants and it terrified men so they created myth and religion to take us down. It continues to this day.

5. “Big Girl” as an insult.

It’s well known in feminist academic theory that patriarchy is full of reversals. Reversals are a form of patriarchal projections, so when women are called names that are short hand for “will have sex with anyone” when they are actually rejecting a man’s advances, that is a reversal. So I can’t help but wonder about the drive we are induced into by the current patriarchal society to become small. We are culturally inundated with constant messages to diet and exercise and only eat salad and yoghurt lest we become big. This is monitored to insane degrees resulting in not only deadly eating disorders but a new industry of body modification surgery to reduce our size. If big is bad in patriarchy, then big might just be good and natural outside of it.

6. Mountains and “that” Shakira song.

Yes we all had a good laugh when Shakira sung “Lucky that my breasts are small and humble, so you don’t confuse them with mountains.” Perhaps she too had tapped into the ancient secret of women’s giant nature. Maybe mountains are women’s breasts, fortified by the sands of time. Does facebook censor peaks of mountains?

7. Mitochondrial DNA is the powerhouse of the cell

Look I’m not a scientist, and my quick cursory glances of the many uses of Mitochondrial DNA is a lesson in obfuscation. The language used to explain just exactly why and how this particular form of DNA is the powerhouse of the cell is in such specialised language that it is not accessible to lay persons. The one word I can decipher though is maternal. That means “from mother”. Only females can pass Mitochondrial DNA to their offspring and mitochondria are the energy powerhouses of each and every cell in the bodies of every living thing on earth. That seems like a pretty big deal yeah? Did you know that? Bet you didn’t. And guess why you didn’t? Because knowing how special women are might cause women to get big heads… and big bodies?

8. The TV Show “My Giant Life”

Featuring a look at the real lives of women over 6”6 or 198cm, the show focuses only on women, and as such, has gone down in viewership from 1.6 million in the first season to 1.2 million in season 2. I think people fear giant women, even white and blonde giant women. This decline in viewership aligns with my theory of the annihilation of giant women.

9. Patriarchy & Food

Poor nutrition and illness in childhood limit human growth. In patriarchy, women and girls suffer food insecurity at higher rates than men and boys. Women are designated food makers, not food eaters in this world. Yet even in this harsh world of father rule, women and girls are growing;

10. The insult “Maneater”

Some words are gendered without equivalent, and this is one of them. It definitely doesn’t roll off the tongue to say “Womaneater” so how exactly did this particular slang come to be? I consulted the ultimate academic reference, Urban Dictionary, which had this to say;

I then decided to go to a more robust source, etymoline.com, which only had this to say;

So those are my 10 reasons why women are supposed to be giants. It makes sense to me, and I for one look forward to a future filled with Giant Women.